Dating a swede
If you do go, pay a visit to Tradgarden, one of Stockholm’s multiple outdoor events, tucked away under a bridge and considered to be the hotspot of the summer. Get ready to stand in an equal-opportunity line with 50 blue-haired bloggers, then in yet another line for a beer, then sit on benches staring at parades of what looks like The Other Stories catalog come to life. None of which I’m aware, that’s for sure, but given that my chugging-almost-a-full-beer days are long behind me, I knew I was stuck there for a while, so gave him the benefit of the doubt. ” I said, which heralded a rather startling (and long) rant about woman who hang around Stureplan all think they’re hot even when they’re not and expect people (him, I rather suspect) to treat them especially well because they’re hot (even the ones that apparently aren’t really).As I couldn’t reach to tip my beer over his head, I had little choice but to pretend this was a normal conversation, and pointed out that, “girls who hang around Stureplan” aren’t exactly a reasonably diverse sample group from which to construct a hypothesis damning an entire gender. What is it with Swedish scenesters and dying themselves orange?Unlike French hipsters, most of them looked like they actually showered, although I was slightly thrown off by the abundance of bizarre tattoos decorating the entity of their bodies..It wasn’t rare to spot a female face adorning a body part, which led me to wonder – what one has to do to become a permanent fixture on one’s thigh?“Yeah, but it’s worse when women are arrogant about their looks.” Ehh?
My jaw dropped the minute I stepped into a breakfast spot called Union Kitchen and discovered that every male in 5 meter radius, restaurant staff included, appeared to be a Ben Dahlhaus clone.) That was the high point of our meeting of the minds.In desperation I finally chugged the last third or so of the beer in a manner that would have done 20 year old me proud and as I high-tailed it out of the bar the inevitable unladylike belch frightened an entire table of people.In an effort to impress us, he proceeded to demonstrate that Swedes were terrified of confrontation by yelling “SWEDES ARE TERRIFIED OF CONFRONTATION JUST WATCH THEY WON’T SAY ANYTHING TO ME” at the top of his lungs. Apparently, one-night-stands are the first step to relationships, and you don’t even have to flirt or talk much beforehand – they like to skip the awkward part and just go home together at the end of the night!
I almost had a heart attack, expecting a fight to break out on the spot, but was even more shocked to discover that our new Swedish friends had slipped through thin air and disappeared. I do hear that Swedes are excellent family material, especially if you’re all about splitting household responsibilities and taking turns changing diapers and all that other progressive stuff that us Russkis will probably never evolve to. One of the most common places to find a partner is at a nightclub (or a mutual friend’s party), which may seem pretty obvious.However, the way to meet someone there is more subtle.Who, confusingly, looked a teensy bit like Eric off True Blood, if you are slightly inebriated, blinded by the sun and have also just blinked out one of your contacts, as I had when I agreed to go for a drink with him. I was about a thumb’s width into my beer when it started.