Dating after separation kids
Children need to know only two things: (1) "Since your mother and I aren't living together, there will be new people in my life"; (2) "You are always the number one relationship in my life."They do need to know that much, emphasizes Tufts University psychologist Donald Wertlieb, whose practice in Wellesley Hills specializes in families coping with stress."Even preschoolers tend to intuit more than we realize," he says."You assume your kids understand that mom needs a life outside of them. "He asked about him almost daily, for months," she says. The problem is not that they get attached to a new person, but that exposure to a parade of new people creates the potential for more loss."At its heart, this is about trust," says psychologist Leah Klungness of Long Island, who specializes in single-parent issues.They don't."Mistakes 2, 3, and 4:* Introducing her children to the first man she liked.* Allowing him to spend time at the house, especially playing ball with her son, then 8.* Giving him a peck on the cheek one day as they parted. Children are likely to wonder, "Who can I count on to stay around? " Some blame themselves: "I'm not lovable." The more loss there is, the more distrustful they can become, including in their own future relationships.After a break-up, be sure you tell children, ''Feelings adults have about each other sometimes change.Feelings parents have for children never change.'' It only delays the inevitable if your child continues to have contact with a person after you no longer do.
For parents with custody, this may mean not having a date come to the house if children are there.By the time a parent finds someone to commit to, they may be adamantly resistant.Parents are entitled to a personal life, but it's best to keep it private in the beginning.One of the most common temptations people fall for when a relationship is ending is the desire to find a new love - Often these people have been unhappy and missing love, companionship and sex for a longtime, and so there's a real pent-up, unmet need for love.