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A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth of power. Someone who would rather have a small role than a long loaf; 7. Actor’s Agent: A guy who sometimes bites the ham who feeds him. Admissions Office: Where you’re taken to admit that you’ve mooned the keynote speaker during ’new student weekend.’ Admonition: 1. A period in which children begin to question the answers; 4. Biscuit Dough: A primitive adhesive used extensively and successfully by brides to prevent loss of their wedding bands. Blonde Joe-ks: Joe-ks that are short so men can understand them. Occurs when the person you are speaking with won’t let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. Boaster: A person with whom it is sooner done than said. Bra: Decoration draped by your wife over the shower curtain rod in the bathroom. A person who starts out telling white lies and soon grows colour blind; 2. That bodily organ which starts working the moment you awake and does not stop until you get into the office. A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly; 2. What a man looks for in a woman after he’s looked at everything else; 3. Brilliant Epigram: A solemn platitude gone to a masquerade ball. The ability to smile when you suddenly discover that your roommate and your girlfriend are both missing from the dance floor; 2. The thing that hurts when everything else feels so good; 18: What makes you worry about what it couldn’t stop you from doing; 19. Conscientious Woman: One who never breaks a confidence without first imposing the strictest secrecy. Consul: In American politics, a person who, having failed to secure an office from the people, is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
Aboriginies: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. Absecon: An annual conference held at the Cobalt Hotel, Vancouver, for people who haven’t got any other conferences to go to. When a boy has reached the state when he knows why a strapless gown must be held up, but doesn’t understand how; 9. That which makes you think you’ve longed all your life for something you never even heard of; 2. The fine art of making you think you have longed all your life for something you never heard of before; 4. The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it. Something which we give by the bushel but take by the grain; 2. Bathing Suit, Modern: Two bandannas and a worried look. A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning; 2. A man whom few care to see but many ask to call again. Book Ends: The part of a book many girls read first. Book Review: A brief but informative essay that spares readers the ordeal of digesting an actual book. Books Never Written Bookworm: A person who would rather read than eat, or a worm that would rather eat than read. Boomerang Workers: Retirees returning to their previous employer. One who insists upon talking about himself when you want to talk about yourself; 10. A personal dictator appointed to those of us fortunate enough to live in free societies. Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can’t get a date; 4. Contraceptive: A labor-saving device to be worn on every conceivable occasion. What you tell the police officer after the burglar has already escaped. Corn-On-The-Cob: The stuff you eat like you play a mouth organ. Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. Counter-Irritant: The woman who shops all day and buys nothing. Country: A damp sort of place where all sorts of birds fly about uncooked.
A product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered. Academe: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy Awards: A place where everyone lets off esteem. Achievement: The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust. The period when children are certain they will never be as stupid as their parents; 14. The time when a boy stops collecting stamps and starts playing post office; 18. The state in which a man most easily becomes acquainted with himself, being especially free from admirers then. Any counsel or suggestion made by one golfer to another about the choice of club, method of play or making of a shot, which contains no more than five errors of fact, contradictory statements or harmful recommendations. Awl: (Southern) An amber fluid used to lubricate engines. A.: A degree which indicates that the holder has mastered the first two letters of the alphabet… Babble: A feminine noise, somewhat resembling the sound of a brook, but with less meaning. Angels whose wings grow shorter as their legs grow longer; 2. The worst feature of any new baby is its mother’s singing. Baby Boomer: A kid who just polished off six jars of raspberry jam. What too many women in slacks definitely don’t have; 3, A teenager you hire to watch your TV; 4. A fifty-cent dinner served in sufficient quantity to enable a caterer to charge twenty dollars for it; 2. The woodwind instrument that, when played properly, looks like you’re taking a hit off a water pipe. Bath: A process by which Mom and Dad drench the floor, walls and themselves. Batmobiling: Putting up emotional shields (from the retracting armor that covers the batmobile). Biography: A region bounded on the north by history, on the south by fiction, on the east by obituary, and on the west by tedium. A fellow who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it; 3. One who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation; 15. A guy, who, if you ask him what time it is, will start to tell you how to make a watch; 17. One who need not repeat himself because he gets it trite the first time; 19. A person who talks when you wish him to listen; 21. Contented Husband: One who is on listening terms with his wife. Contralto: A low sort of music that only ladies sing. Controversy: A battle in which spittle or ink replaces the injurious cannon ball and the inconsiderate bayonet. Conventional: Not necessarily the way a man acts at a convention. A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener. Cookbook: A volume that is full of stirring passages. A man who brings organized chaos out of regimented confusion; 2. Corset: Like love, something which binds us together and makes us better than we are by nature. Couch Potato: What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat dinner.
Abstract Artist: A person who draws his or her own confusions. Accelerando: Hurry up, the conductor skipped a page. A period of rapid changes: between the ages of 12 ands 17, a parent ages 20 years; 15. The period in which the young suddenly feel a great responsibility about answering the telephone; 19. Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. Six or more such pieces of misinformation or misinstruction constitute a formal golf lesson’ 9. Usage: “Ah like attair car, but it sure does take a lot of awl.” Axiom: 1. Babworth: Something which justifies having a really good cry. Alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other; 2. Babylon: What the Preacher does during some sermons. A teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers; 5. A legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors; 2. An affair where you ear a lot of food you don’t want before talking about something you don’t understand to a crowd of people who don’t want to hear you; 3. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but he “made the dinner.” Barber: 1. As in “she started talking marriage and he started batmobiling”. A man who marries a beautiful girl and a good cook; 6. Someone who goes on talking while you’re interrupting. Conversation Piece: A girl who likes to talk in bed. Converts: Gullible folk who have agreed to let an outside contractor renovate their souls. Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat. Coolant: An insect that’s, like, you know, got it all together, dude.
Brute Force: When your brain doesn’t work, just keep beating on the problem until one of you dies. Telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went; 7. Budgeting: The most orderly way of going into debt. An elusive creature living in a program that makes it incorrect. Bulldozing: Going to sleep during a political speech. Parish information, read only during the homily; 2. by injecting it into underground geological formations). Careerism: The widespread belief that life offers nothing so sublime as the opportunity to climb two or three steps up the corporate pyramid over a period of forty years. One who looks in both directions when he passes a red light; 2. A group which is often immobilized by greedlock; 5. Connoisseur: One who attains an obsessive knowledge of wines, audio equipment, cats or French cheeses so as to confer a sense of inadequacy on those who would simply enjoy them. A device that doesn’t keep you from doing anything - just keeps you from enjoying it; 2. An inner voice that warns us somebody is watching; 4. Something that feels terrible when everything else feels great; 6. CPU: Central Propulsion Unit - the computer’s engine.
Airplanes: One of those things that’s of no earthly use. Antique Shop: A junk store that has raised its prices. Antitalksident: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators. A place where you start to turn off your radio and discover you’ve been listening to your neighbour’s. This includes the collective works of Dick Cheney & Michael Moore. Arithmetic: Being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes. Armed: Is a man with no arms has a gun, is he armed? Back Nine: The final 27 holes of an 18-hole golf course.
Agrophobia: The fear of being beaten up in an open space. Alcoy: Wanting to be bullied into having another drink. The method some women use for taking the drudgery out of housework; 13. Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. A country that has leapt from barbarism to decadence without touching civilization. One who gets mad when a foreigner curses the institutions he curses; 2. A man who is free to choose his own form of government - blonde, brunette, or redhead. Anality: The act of being anal retentive over something. Analysis: An excuse to take something to pieces to see how it works. Apple Computer: The fruit of rapid growth in a high-tech industry. Aquadextrous: Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes. A class that sounds vaguely risque until you find out what it really involves. The reason Mom’s sister keeps hugging you every time she can catch you; 2. Antifreeze: What happens to your mother’s sister when you steal her blanket. Apparently: As either mother or father would do it. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw; 2. Apple: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes. April 1: The day we are reminded of what we are the other 364. Archive: Where the two bees stayed after Noah brought them aboard. The only vegetable you have more of when you finish eating it, than you had when you started. Artificial Intelligence: The goal of building a computer to think and learn like a human being. Artisan Food: Food which is made by traditional, often labour-intensive methods and usually in small batches (rather than by large-scale factory processing). A man whom no girl has maneuvered into a situation where she can say, “Yes.”; 36. Bad Taste: Simply saying the truth before it should be said. It is usually hidden by numerous signs saying, “Baggage Claim Area. ” Baile Funk: A style of fast dance music with hard-edged vocals, originating in Brazil, and with lyrics characterized by the ethos of the favelas (or the slums) of Rio de Janeiro.