Dating someone too nice
Power is often synonymous with confidence but you don’t need one to have the other. Confidence comes in the security of a certain outcome and in dating there is no such thing as security.You can still have power but the harm in being “nice” is not wanting it.If you really don’t want the burden of choosing for yourself, or speaking up for yourself then you can’t ever feel powerful and that is the real problem.It’s not anyone’s responsibility to make dating easy, or fun for you. You have to sort of make it happen by helping it along.Imagine that you meet someone for the first time and you want to get to know them.You also want to have a good time, so you decide that being as amiable as possible is the best way to make this happen. If you’re not getting the results that you want from dating, it could be that you’re too I’m sure you’ve considered the possibility but don’t assume that the opposite of being too nice is being a jerk, or a bitch. In fact, being nice as it relates to dating usually means being ambivalent.My friend is used to doing what I used to do: metaphorically torching the relationship a la Angela Bassett in or exiting with stealth moves to avoid dealing with the person and the situation.Neither option, while they might feel good initially, results in growth, because if the only way that you can break up is with drama or trying to do a Houdini, you won’t know how to do the grown-up thing and admit when something isn’t working, discuss it, and make a solid ending.
One of the things we have to recognise when we go out with that nice person who isn’t quite right for us is that as disappointing as it is that it’s not the right fit, it’s also .
You have to want to have it happen and want it more than you fear it.
One of the trickiest situations can be when you know that you need to break up but you stay together or keep going back because you feel that the person is ‘too nice’ to break up with.
By putting ourselves in a situation where we are going through a cycle of feeling temporarily re-invested in the relationship only for the same old feelings and realisation that it isn’t working to return, we are in the habit of repeatedly calling the relationship into question.
We cannot be committed or intimate if as much as we might get on with someone and like aspects of the relationship, we’ve broken up with them many times in our head, maybe a few times in real life, or dropped numerous hints in the hopes that they’ll spare us the task or that they’ll at the very least, figure out what they need to get right so that we don’t have to leave but we also don’t have to get really vulnerable and be direct.It’s like, if they were treating you badly or there basically wasn’t something about them or the relationship that made remaining beneficial, you would have finished it, and so as such, you feel caught between a rock and a hard place.As I said to a close pal earlier this week, you end up feeling as if you’re going to kick a puppy in the face and of course, no one wants to think of themselves in this way!This is not another post about the problem with nice men or women.