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I wondered if Tinder, which brought the world of dating within finger-tap distance, was accelerating the shift? A few days later, I asked my husband if he’d mind if the two of us set up profiles and tried out the app. “Just texting and chatting.” After a decade and a half together, we weren’t in any acute crisis.It seemed common knowledge that apps like Tinder had transformed single life and dating. We weren’t fighting constantly or sleeping in separate bedrooms.I’ve always felt like an average-looking woman, a solid 6 or maybe a 7 if I bother to wear mascara, but swiping through my matches and messages, I felt like a special species. Just not really hard-core stuff like coprophilia (pooping on each other).I felt coveted and appreciated and valued and desired. I like to use a lot of alcohol and hard drugs and then have sex. Oh, A few days into the experiment, I still wasn’t sure I’d actually connect with anyone who I’d want to meet in person, when I matched with a man who was British, erudite, and polite.
I received one message after another, plenty from creeps but plenty from seemingly respectable suitors.I’d only encountered this level of male entitlement in other people’s personal essays. When I told him I didn’t think this would be possible, he grew angry and sullen, sent a stream of raging texts. When I come to the States for a holiday, all I want is to have fun and relax and enjoy a threesome with two beautiful, married women. When he countered that experimenting with dating apps had been his wife’s idea, not his, they doubted and derided him.One woman with whom he had a pleasant text exchange for a day or two before fully revealing his status told him that he’d hurt her badly, that he was the first educated person she’d met on Tinder in months, and that he’d given her the push she needed to permanently swear off internet dating. I told him it wasn’t that they hated him, they just wanted things he didn’t have to offer — commitment of time, resources, and exclusivity. In fourth grade, I got in trouble with my boyfriend because he found out I had another boyfriend.
Throughout high school and college, some of my relationships overlapped, and some were purely dishonest.
Instead, their responses were effusively and unanimously positive.