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Why isn’t every married woman in the world on Tinder, I began to wonder. Then we winked at each other for a few minutes, back and forth. He worked as some kind of consultant for an NGO and had been stationed for a year in a war-torn African country.
It all felt the way romance was supposed to feel —playful and exciting and unserious. We had a pleasant exchange of texts, a couple of warm conversations with decent rapport.
I’ve been married for almost 15 years; I am ignorant of the swipe-romance, the point-and-click marriage.
My husband and I met at a party on a quiet street in a college town.
We were both always aware of the existence of other lovers, but it was clear that we were each other's favorite.
It occurred to us that we could keep the excitement and variety, and still let ourselves fall in love with each other. And since then I’ve gotten a lot of questions about how we make it work and why we would even do that in the first place.
As a single woman, I might have rolled my eyes at their ogling. It reminded me of how tipsy I got from the first beer I drank after nine months of pregnancy abstention.I wondered if Tinder, which brought the world of dating within finger-tap distance, was accelerating the shift? A few days later, I asked my husband if he’d mind if the two of us set up profiles and tried out the app. “Just texting and chatting.” After a decade and a half together, we weren’t in any acute crisis.It seemed common knowledge that apps like Tinder had transformed single life and dating. We weren’t fighting constantly or sleeping in separate bedrooms.I’d only encountered this level of male entitlement in other people’s personal essays. When I told him I didn’t think this would be possible, he grew angry and sullen, sent a stream of raging texts. When I come to the States for a holiday, all I want is to have fun and relax and enjoy a threesome with two beautiful, married women. When he countered that experimenting with dating apps had been his wife’s idea, not his, they doubted and derided him.