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When men have affairs, he says, they tend to be bigger risk-takers and naïve about how obvious their cheating is to an emotionally astute partner.They will also be bursting to tell someone about it. They will often want to brag about it, or be so taken up by the sexual thrill of the affair that their behaviour is a giveaway.' Women, on the other hand, are much more cool and rational, even when they're in the grip of passion. They may confide in one or two very close women friends, but they compartmentalise their emotional lives and don't let the affair bleed into the rest of their lives.' Like Farrah Fawcett, a former colleague of mine, Susan, now 50, had a long-term affair with Brian, a salesman she met, ironically enough, when she was buying her husband a car as a surprise 40th birthday present.When studies about sexual partners or fidelity use a mixture of face-to-face interviews and anonymous computer questionnaires, men will give the same answers to both, but women will report much higher numbers when the answers are anonymous. Can you imagine a leading female politician having an affair and her husband standing loyally by her?Or the reaction to a female CEO having a public affair with her young male assistant?'My mother always used to say that you should never tell a man everything,' says Clare, 38, 'and I thought it was rubbish. 'I don't have a secret account, but I'm not completely honest about how much money I spend. 'Women are better liars because they're more psychologically sophisticated,' says Dr Holmes.'You can argue about whether it's nature or nurture, but women are programmed to be much more relationship and people orientated than men.'If you look at the studies into paternity, even conservative figures show that between eight and 15 per cent of children haven't been fathered by the man who thinks he's the biological parent.' That's a lot of women keeping a lot of secrets.
'The biggest difference is that women are much better at keeping their affairs secret,' he says. While men have always had a worse reputation for being unfaithful, recent studies show that women are catching up fast - but we are a lot more likely to lie about it, and a lot less likely to get caught.Simply put, it seems that women are better at having affairs than men.Many women also develop a habit of secrecy about smaller issues in their relationship as a way of maintaining some kind of control.